


A Pirate's Life is a Short but Merry One (Unless You're Immortal)

by ToBebbanburg



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Bath Sex, Light Bondage, M/M, Top!Joe, and thats about it, but Nicky’s on top if you get what I mean, so this is just porn, sorta - Freeform, watch out for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:48:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25444915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToBebbanburg/pseuds/ToBebbanburg
Summary: It's 1720 in the Caribbean, and Andy, Joe and Nicky are pirates who find themselves in prison for raiding slave ships and setting the slaves free. This is all just a set-up for pirate sex, I'll be honest.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 34
Kudos: 419





	A Pirate's Life is a Short but Merry One (Unless You're Immortal)

**Author's Note:**

> Look, I love pirates, and Luca Marinelli with facial hair and an earing? Prime pirate material.

It wasn’t that they had explicitly set out to become pirates. It had just sort of… happened. One day they were setting out with a ship and a crew, the next they had apparently been branded enemies of all mankind for the crime of storming slave ships and freeing the men trapped below decks.

Andromache, or Anne as she had taken to calling herself, had been patrolling the West Indies for years now, building up enough of a reputation to allow her to eventually captain her own ship. Nicolò and Yusuf, now Nico and Joe, joined her shortly after she had single-handedly fought her way out of prison. Together they chased down ship after ship, slaying the slave merchants and handing control of the ship over to the same men and women who had been transported on it.

They lasted a grand total of six months before they were all imprisoned together in the fort of Port Royal, waiting to be hung as pirates. At least the slaves had got away. Anne had given them the faster ship and strict directions to reach Nassau the second Nico had spotted British colours on the horizon.

They had spent five days now in the dank, rotting prison and Nico hated it. Hated being tied up and left more than he hated dying. The worst part by far was that even though he was in the same cell as Joe he could barely touch him. They were chained at opposite ends of the cell, and if they stretched they could almost hold hands. Almost. It wasn’t enough.

“How did you escape last time?” Nico asked Anne, when he was fairly certain the soldier on watch had fallen asleep.

“I seduced one of the guards.” Anne replied with a grimace. “It took weeks of work. Weeks we don’t have.”

Anne had escaped the death sentence last time by claiming to be pregnant. The magistrate this time had been less than convinced by her claim and condemned her to death along with the rest of the crew. Those that had survived, that is. She sat in the cell opposite Nico and Joe, her hair falling in her face and her shirt torn. The soldiers had wanted to look to check she really was a woman. They wouldn’t be looking at anything ever again after Anne had clawed their eyes out.

“We could just hang. Escape when they take our bodies down.” Joe suggested, but Anne shook her head.

“We’d return too quickly. We can’t risk them finding out. Otherwise...”

She trailed off, but Nico and Joe both knew she was thinking of the ordeal she and Quynh had gone through. What Quynh was _still_ going through.

“What do we do then?” Joe asked.

Anne bit her lip, and Nico could tell she was running through numerous possibilities in her mind.

“If one of you were to die, a guard will likely come in to check and retrieve the body. The other one of you could then take him out and steal his keys.”

“No.” Joe shook his head before she had even finished talking. “I won’t kill him. I _can’t_.”

“I could kill myself.” Nico offered instead. He would never put Joe through the pain of having to kill him. Not again.

“Nicolò, no.” Joe shuffled towards him as best he could with his legs still chained to the floor, but the best he could manage was to touch Nico’s own outstretched fingers. Anne made a disgusted noise from her own cell.

“Centuries old and you’re both so stupid. Just _pretend_ to be dead.”

Nico blamed Joe for jumping to the most extreme conclusion and bringing him along with him. Of course playing dead was the much easier, safer option.

“I’ll do it. You’re a terrible actor.” Nico told Joe with a slight smile. That wasn’t quite true: Joe had just managed to catch Shakespeare on a particularly bad day, but Nico liked to tease him about the slight whenever he could.

“I can’t be wonderful at everything.” Joe laughed, then turned it into a cough as the soldier who had been sleeping on his watch suddenly jolted awake.

Nico let himself slump down on the floor, making sure to angle his face away from the door of the cell. He tried to make himself as comfortable as possible, knowing he would have to hold the position for a while. He ultimately had to play dead for nearly a whole day. A whole day where he dared not move for fear one of the guards or another prisoner would see, and he only hoped that someone would soon investigate before his stomach started rumbling from hunger.

When he at least heard the sound of keys rattling in the lock he held his breath, and waited until the last possible moment before reaching his hands out to grab the soldier around the ankles and pull him down to the ground.

The man went down and Joe was on him in an instant, using the chains that bound his hands together to loop around the guard’s neck and strangle him. They were lucky: the soldier barely had the breath to shout, and as Nico frisked his body for the keys he was relieved by the silence he heard.

“Hey. Hey!” One of the men in the cell next to them hissed as Nico undid his own shackles and moved over to do Joe’s. “Let us out.”

Nico looked at Joe and raised an eyebrow. Joe nodded, almost imperceptibly, but Nico caught it.

“In a moment.” Nico whispered to the men in the cell as he ran across the room to let Anne out.

Joe had picked up the guard’s sword and pistol while Nico worked the locks, and tossed the gun to him once his hands were free. Anne didn’t have a weapon. She didn’t need one. She still took point as they made their way through the fort, Nico and Joe covering her until they reached the room with their belongings in and she retrieved her axe.

Nico lost count of how many men they had to fight through to make their escape. He tried not to kill, if possible: he did not know these men, and could not stand judgement over whether they deserved death. Anne had fewer reservations, and her axe was dripping with blood when they finally jumped into a rowboat and pushed away from the shores of Port Royal.

It took them nearly a fortnight to reach Nassau. Nearly a fortnight of lying low in Kingston, moving from house to house as they tried to secure passage on a ship. Those weeks were torture for Nico. He had lived several wonderful centuries with Joe, and knew they had many more together ahead of them, but their lack of intimacy was starting to needle at him. The nights spent in the cell unable to hold Joe in his arms, the days in Kingston unable to do any more than briefly kiss him… By the time they finally reached the King’s Folly, their lodging of choice in Nassau, Nico was beginning to feel like a coiled spring, just waiting for the release he could feel was oh so close.

“I know. I know, tesoro. Soon.” Joe soothed him as Nico pressed himself against his back, the crowded inn-cum-brothel providing enough cover for him to ruck Joe’s shirt up slightly to stroke the smooth skin underneath.

“Two rooms.” Anne was bargaining with the Madame who ran the inn. “And two baths. The biggest you have.”

Joe turned round at that, a question on his lips that Nico answered before it could even be asked.

“Of course. Take as many baths as you want, habibi.” Nico said with a smile, and Joe smiled in a way that set Nico's heart on fire.

“Two rooms, two baths, and two women?” The Madame asked as she looked from Anne over to the two men. Nico tried to suppress a laugh as Joe bristled.

“Men, perhaps?” the Madame tried. It was tempting, Nico admitted, and perhaps something they would indulge in later, but for now all he wanted was Joe.

“Two women.” Anne said, slamming a pouch of coins down onto the counter. “But send them both to my room.”

The Madame smiled as she counted the coins, then clicked her fingers to summon one of her girls. She murmured something to her then turned back to face them.

“You’ll have the first two rooms on the left when you go up the stairs. Your baths are being prepared as we speak, and the girls… are yours to choose from.”

Anne winked at Nico and Joe over her shoulder as the Madame led her away, and Joe turned to Nico expectantly.

“Shall we?”

“You go ahead. I’ll join you in a moment.” Nico said.

“Don’t get into any trouble.” Joe grinned, reaching out for the briefest of touches with Nico’s own hand before heading for the stairs, following up a woman who carried a steaming bucket of water in her hands.

Nico, of course, couldn’t wait to join Joe in their room, but one of the whores- women, he corrected himself- had caught his eye. The brothel was relatively quiet given the time of day, and she was taking advantage of the peace to sketch in a corner. She was surprised when Nico approached her, and looked a little frustrated that he was interrupting her art, but when he explained that all he wanted was some paper and something to draw with she relaxed.

She gave him several sheets of paper- high quality at that, likely stolen from the cabin of a wealthy merchant ship, and a decent sized piece of charcoal. She also suggested that perhaps when he was finished drawing he could come and find her again, but Nico barely heard her. He was already racing up the stairs to show Joe what he’d found.

Joe was already in the bath when he made it to their room, the woman with the bucket having just left. Nico paused for a moment to enjoy how blissed out Joe looked, soaking in the hot water, then made his way over to join him.

“Here.” Nico said, bending down so that he was level with Joe in the bathtub, holding up the paper for Joe to see. “I saw one of the women downstairs sketching, and I got her to give me some paper and charcoal for you.”

“Nicolò.” Joe’s lips wrapped themselves around Nico’s name as if in a caress, and even now, after 600 years Nico couldn’t stop the slight burn in his cheeks as he blushed at how Joe made him feel with just three syllables. There’s surprise, and pleasure, and love in the way he says his name, in response to something as insignificant as paper.

“I’ll ah, leave it on the table.” Nico said as Joe automatically reached for it, realising that handing paper to a man currently bathing was perhaps not the best idea.

“Do.” Joe agreed, craning his neck over his shoulder to watch Nico carefully place the bundle of paper down. “Then hurry up and get in here before the water gets cold.”

He splashed a bit of water over at Nico for emphasis to get him to hurry up, and Nico obliged, shedding boats and belts and clothes all over the floor as he stripped naked and hopped into the bath. The water was relatively hot: not scalding hot like he normally preferred, but hot enough.

He settled himself with his back flush against Joe’s chest, not minding that their legs awkwardly cramped and tangled in the slightly too small tub.

“That’s better.” Joe breathed in his ear.

Nico agreed. He closed his eyes as he let himself relax, filtering out all of the background noise of the tavern and the streets outside until the only things he could make out was the gentle rippling of the bathwater and the steady beat of Joe’s heart. He could almost feel all of the tension of the past few days washing away as Joe started to wash him, rubbing a soapy cloth in soothing circles up and down his body.

“I think this is heaven.” Nico said, eyes still closed as Joe manoeuvred him to bend forwards, allowing him better access to scrub his back. He blasphemed regularly these days, Christian piety long forgotten, but even if he were still as fervent a believer as he used to be he would still have said those words. This _was_ heaven. He and Joe, together, in a moment of wonderful peace.

“Heaven, is it?” Joe chuckled, tossing the washcloth aside in favour of using his hands to dig into Nico’s back muscles, massaging him with just the right amount of force. “And here I was hoping we could indulge in some sin.” He leant in to whisper the words, one hand squeezing the back of Nico’s neck _just so_ so that Nico groaned in pleasure and let his head fall back.

“Oh?” Nico questioned, shuffling backwards in the bath until he was once again nestled against Joe’s chest. “What did you have in mind?”

“Something like this.” Joe’s arms moved to wrap around Nico, one hand teasing his nipples and the other dipping down below the surface of the water to rub at his cock. Joe moved with practice ease, taking his time to stroke Nico into hardness until the Italian was melting in his arms, knuckles white as he clutched the sides of the bathtub.

Nico’s breath hitched when Joe took the golden ring in his ear between his teeth and pulled ever so slightly, before nipping the earlobe itself. The earring had been an experiment, and Nico had found that though the hole closed over when he removed the ring it miraculously didn’t heal whilst the ring was still in. So he kept it. He liked it. _Joe_ liked it.

Nico groaned when Joe tugged on his earring again, pairing it with a particularly long stroke of his cock that ended with Joe running his thumb across the slit.

“Like that?” Joe chuckled, repeating the motion.

“You know I do.” Nico replied, breathless despite having done nothing but lie there under Joe’s ministrations.

“Mmm.” Joe agreed. He kept gently working Nico’s cock while his other took a hold under his thigh and guided him until one leg was awkwardly dangling out of the bathtub. The new position meant that Joe now had access to even more of his lover, and he traced his fingers up Nico’s thigh until he paused when he reached the tender skin behind his balls.

Nico keened, desperate for Joe to continue, and tried to shift his hips to bring Joe’s fingers where he wanted them most.

“Patience.” Joe whispered even though his fingers dipped lower, circling around Nico’s entrance. “Let me take care of you.”

“Alright.” Nico said, trying his hardest not to push back and onto the pressure he could feel at his hole. “But after, _I'll_ take care of _you_.”

“I look forward to it.”

Joe was gentle as he entered Nico, wary of causing him any sort of hurt even after all their years together. Sometimes Nico liked the pain that came with going too fast, needed it even, but Joe always needed coaxing to indulge him in that want. Now though, Nico was happy to let Joe set the pace, and as his lover worked a single finger into him he sighed. It still felt as wonderful as the first time.

“That’s it.” Joe said quietly as he felt Nico relax under his hands. “Just let go. I’ve got you.”

The water rather frustratingly meant that Joe could get no more than two fingers shallowly into Nico, but that didn’t matter. Nico just loved the feeling of Joe inside him, and between that and the steady hand on his cock he came after a few minutes, fingers tightening where he gripped the bath and a low moan escaping from his throat.

He gave himself no time to recover, and turned around immediately to kiss Joe, paying no attention to the way the water sloshed and escaped from the tub.

The kiss was deep, filthy, Nico’s desire for Joe not sated in the slightest by his release, and he kissed Joe as if his life depended on it.

“Bed.” He growled against Joe’s mouth, before moving in for another bruising kiss of teeth and tongues. After a while Joe pulled away, laughing at the disappointed noise Nico made.

“Amore, if you want me on the bed you will have to detach yourself.”

Nico didn’t much care for that, but Joe was already standing up and getting out of the bath. He looked magnificent, rivulets of water running down his back and legs, and it took all of Nico’s balance not to fall out of the bath as he hastily tried to follow.

He all but tackled Joe onto the bed, not caring in the slightest that neither of them were dry, and set about covering every inch of his body in kisses. At times like this he wished they wouldn’t heal so fast, wanted to suck bruises into Joe’s skin that would let everyone who saw know that Joe was his.

They had all been desperately hungry when they escaped the prison, stale bread and the occasional piece of fruit doing little to satisfy their appetites, but the relief of eating proper food again was nothing compared to the relief Nico felt when he ducked down and took Joe’s cock in his mouth. He hummed contentedly around it, delighting in the way he could feel Joe shift and buck beneath him.

He swallowed Joe all the way down then pulled off as slow as he could, savouring the sensation. Joe was already fully hard, and he felt wonderful in Nico’s mouth. At some point Joe tangled his fingers in Nico’s hair, using it as leverage to move his head up and down, and Nico pulled off completely at that.

“No. It’s my turn now.” He said with a grin, payback for Joe teasing him in the bath.

“I can’t help but touch you.” Joe said, his hands reaching out, seeking contact even as he spoke.

“Perhaps I should restrain you.” Nico quirked an eyebrow.

“Perhaps you should.” Joe breathed and _oh_ , Nico hadn’t been expecting this but he was on board in an instant, his cock twitching at the thought. He leant over the side of the bed and grabbed a belt, crawling up the bed until he was level with Joe’s head.

“Sure?” He asked, and Joe nodded.

Nico bit back a laugh as Joe even moved his own hands up to lie flush against the headboard in preparation.

It was strange, Nico thought as he looped the belt around Joe’s wrists, how despite how much he ordinarily detested seeing Joe in chains or restrained he loved to see him like this. He was glad their numerous times imprisoned had done nothing to dampen their enthusiasm for this. Joe tied up, just for him, was an incredible experience. He became so much responsive, more demanding as he solely relied on Nico to deliver him his pleasure.

“Yes, that’s wonderful, sì sì sì.” Joe moaned, proving his point as Nico bent back down to take him in his mouth once again.

One of the main benefits of staying in a brothel, in Nico’s opinion at least, was how loud they could both be. The levels of noise around them meant their own gasps and cries of pleasure were easily drowned out. It was freeing, and Nico took it upon himself to coax every last shout and moan out of Joe with his mouth. When he felt that Joe was on the edge he stopped, giving his cock one last lick before clambering off the bed in search of oil.

“Nico, Nicolò, come back.” Joe complained, pulling against his restraints.

“I never left.” Nico pressed a kiss to Joe’s leg from his place on the floor, fumbling through the pile of their clothes for the small vial of oil Joe had purchased back in Kingston.

He finally found it and hopped back onto the bed, positioning himself on his back opposite Joe. He couldn’t really see him like this, but he could hear the sounds his lover made as Nico traced an oiled finger down and inside himself. Joe’s breath sped up in time with Nico’s thrusts, and he groaned as Nico worked his way up to two fingers.

“Nicolò, this isn’t fair.” Joe whined.

“No? I can release you, if that’s what you really want.” Nico didn’t stop working the fingers inside him as he raised an eyebrow at Joe in challenge. Joe visibly struggled for a moment, his eyes darting from Nico’s face down to where his fingers were steadily pumping in and out of him, before he groaned and shook his head.

“No. No, I want this. Just... stop teasing.”

“I’m not teasing.” Nico grinned as he added another finger. “I’m preparing.”

“You’re teasing.” Joe asserted, his voice thick. Nico knew how much Joe loved to do this himself, but he also knew that Joe loved to watch, even if he pretended to deny it.

“I’m not sure I’m ready for you yet.” Nico sighed theatrically once three fingers went in easily, making a show of pointedly looking at Joe’s cock and rubbing a fourth finger around his rim.

“You are. You’re ready for me. Come on, Nico.” Joe groaned, his hips uselessly thrusting up into air.

“Are you sure?” Nico edged the tip of his little finger in alongside the others, the burn he felt from the stretch easily forgotten as Joe made a noise of pure want.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Nico smirked as he removed his fingers, before reaching forward to oil up Joe’s cock.

He kept eye contact as he positioned himself above Joe, never blinking nor looking away as he carefully lowered himself down onto him. They both sighed when Nico was fully seated, and Joe practically cried when Nico thrust his hips forward.

Nico moved slowly, rolling his hips back and forward in a relaxed pace as he watched Joe’s face contort in pleasure and frustration. When he had drawn Joe out long enough he picked up the pace, his thighs burning as he rode Joe as hard as he could. Joe’s fingers were twitching uselessly in the air, itching to grab, to touch, but unable to. It had only been a matter of weeks, but it had felt like an age since Joe had been inside of him, and Nico felt his cock hardening again as he worked himself on Joe, hitting the place inside him that made his vision spark.

“Nico-“ Joe moaned, his hips jerking in time with Nico’s movements, “Nico, I’m close.”

“Good.” Nico said simply, substituting finesse for speed as he gripped his own cock in his hand, the world around him disintegrating until the only things he was aware of was the sight of Joe below him and the feel of him inside.

When Joe came it was enough to trigger Nico’s own orgasm, and he collapsed on Joe’s chest as the aftershocks rippled through him.

“That was amazing.” Joe finally managed to get out, his chest heaving as he came back to himself.

“You’re amazing.” Nico said fondly, rolling off Joe to reach up to untie him. As soon as the belt had dropped away Joe was pulling him down for a kiss, less urgent but no less passionate than before. They could have kissed for a minute or an hour, Nico couldn't say, but it felt like time had stopped around him as he moved his lips against Joe's.

Nico laughed when they eventually parted, flopping down onto the bed beside Joe.

“I think we need another bath.”


End file.
